Water business
by sideoflight
Summary: House gets a hold on two waterguns in the hospital and drags Wilson along...House,Wilson friendship.


_First of all_; I don't own anything.  
_Second_; thanks to **Cupidian Dawn**, this story isn't filled with glaring gramatical mistakes that I made while writing, and she's responsible for making it much more presentable to the World.;)

_And lastly_; I hope you enjoy reading this and please leave a review on your way out.:P 

-------------------------------------------------------

"Is it serious, doctor?"

The words and the tone of the question reminded House that he had missed yet another episode of General Hospital. But unlike on the show, House's answer wasn't nearly as dramatic; "He's got a sore throat and a slight fever. Yes, very serious. Lethal even, and the only remedy is chamomile tea and bed rest."

There was a moment of pause in which he grimaced and stood up, leaving the confused mother and her slightly feverish son behind, all possible questions dying as the door shut after him.

"Doctor House, another patient in room 2," yelled nurse Brenda before he could escape to the elevators. Grudgingly, he grabbed the offered file and entered the exam room - and would've gone right out again if Cuddy didn't just exit her office, looking around the clinic for him.

In the exam room a middle-aged woman stood next to the bed, holding in one hand two water pistols and clutching a young boy's arm with the other. Another boy stood not far from them looking sheepishly at his shoes, and House could guess why right away: the water pistols the mother was clutching plus the other boy looking pained and holding his wrist plus the first boy was sporting a cheek considerably redder than the other, equaled a very short-lived attempt at having fun with water.

Knowing he'd regret it, House dragged his chair toward the boy holding his wrist and leaned his cane on the wall on his right.

"I take it you're the capitulated side, huh?" he asked while dealing with the kid's wrist.

The volcano in the shape of an infuriated mother erupted.

"That insolent kid tried to kill my Frankie!" she shrieked, pointing at the red-faced kid in the corner. "You've got to tell them, doctor, how dangerous these water pistols are!"

She lifted the offending plastic toys and offered them towards House as though there was something filthy on them. He readily snatched them out of her grasp, ideas for their later use already forming in his mind.

"Oh, yes, they are very dangerous.' House spoke lazily as he wrapped the boy's wrist tightly with bandages. The mother stood right next to her son, watching House's every move like an overprotective hawk watching its young ones.

"In fact, just last week a guy almost broke his neck while playing with them. Slipped on a puddle of water and landed directly on his back. His spine has never been the same again."

He stood up and cradled the pistols to his chest. "I advise you get rid of them at once unless you want your son to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair."

House smiled inwardly as the mother paled and clutched her son's hand tighter while the other boy shifted uncomfortably, not daring to speak.

"O-of course doctor. You see, our neighbors bought one for their son here, so I thought Frankie should have one too, you know... Never realized they could hurt him so badly. Could-could you take them? Please?"

Her voice was wavering and as she looked at House her eyes shone with a mixture of fear for Frankie and complete trust in the doctor's opinion. He suspected she would've given him their television if he told her of all the dangers such young boy might face while watching it. Come to think of it...

"Of course Mrs…" he glanced at the chart, "... Woodson. I'll make sure these... dangerous artifacts don't fall in the hands of young boys ever again."

Concealing a smug smirk, he turned around and limped out of the room with the plastic pistols, ignoring the loud 'thank you's of the grateful mother.

His day just improved and it kept on getting better when he saw nurse Brenda busily talking to another doctor and Cuddy no where in sight. Quickly he limped towards the elevators and surprisingly made it inside without anyone calling after him.

"Got any new cases?" he asked the team as he entered the Diagnostic office, and before anyone could reply, he limped towards the sink and started filling the guns with water.

Cameron's brow furrowed. "Are those... water pistols?"

House merely smirked and swirled them around his fingers.

"Actually we found one-" Before Chase could finish the sentence, his mouth filled with water and he sputtered, looking at his boss incredulously. "What the hell was that for?!"

"For finding a case just when I got these babies." House motioned at the guns in his hands and sprouted some water on Cameron's face. Gleefully ignoring her angry shriek and Foreman's attempts at working, he limped towards his office. Just before the doors closed after him, he yelled towards them, "Start the differential, treat the patient and call me only if the patient is a hot lesbian. Oh, and Cameron?"

She looked at him, still wiping some water off her face.

"Your mascara is running." With a small grin he locked his office doors and went out on the balcony.

The summer heat made him feel like he'd stepped into an oven. With a heavy sigh he leaned on the ledge, looking at passing people below. Two figures caught his eye and he leaned forward to see more clearly. Men, even in this heat dressed in dark suits with black ties and white shirts, were nearing the hospital. One of the guys House could recognize from the Empire State Building. Short, graying hair and broad shoulders, his face showing a great deal of boredom and arrogance. It was one of hospital's donors who had taken quite a dislike to House at his second visit, when all House did was to compliment him loudly on that dark haired chick he saw him with at the last visit, while the donor's blond wife stood nearby, shooting murderous glances at her husband, whose face at the time had turned a deep shade of red.

House grinned to himself at the memory. When Cuddy had cornered him later that day, his only defense had been that the guy kept eyeing the nurses throughout the hospital tour and House wanted to see if he was right.

The real reason, besides natural curiosity of course, was the conversation he'd overheard when Cuddy led them from Oncology Department to his own. Cuddy was just telling the guy about the monthly expenses oncology has, when he rudely interrupted her, asking more about Dr.Wilson's leadership skills, expressing some concern about his age and experience, wanting to know why had the Head of Oncology resigned twice so far. As they walked past House's office, he followed them with his eyes and listened as Cuddy with some strain in her voice summarized the two separate events, assuring the man that it had nothing to do with neither Wilson's ability as a doctor or a leader.

This was enough for House to become interested in the guy and started following them, observing his movements and tried to find a weak spot. He was in luck, as Cameron just turned down the hall and House noticed with satisfaction the way the man's gaze followed her retreating back and the way he fiddled with the wedding ring on his left hand.

When the man had returned a few days later with another gentleman and two women, House smirked at the wedding ring he noticed on the blond woman's finger, and with the way she clung to the man's hand, House didn't need to guess who she was.

"Is that a water pistol?" The voice came from the other side of the balcony. House just glanced at him and emptied one of the pistols on the oncologist's lab coat.

"…I take it as a yes," said Wilson with sarcasm, trying to pul his tie that was now dripping with water, off. He climbed over the railing and came to stand next to House, letting the heat dry his shirt.

"What are we watching?" he asked lightly and leaned forward. The moment he noticed the two men, now waiting before the hospital doors, his brow furrowed. "Dr. Baxter still has a crush on Cuddy, I see."

He blushed a bit at House's raised eyebrows. "Well, he keeps bringing new donors every couple of months. No one does that without a reason."

"Amazing, I didn't believe you're capable of not liking someone. Other than yourself, that is."

He smirked at the defensive posture Wilson took at that statement. Without waiting for a reply, House straightened and tapped Wilson's foot with his cane. "Come on, we're going to the clinic." Ignoring his friend's incredulous look, he limped into his office and towards the elevators.

"Are you feeling all right?" asked Wilson as soon as he joined him, and House rolled his eyes.

"We're not going to _work, _you idiot I have something better in mind."

As the elevator doors opened, he threw the full pistol at Wilson. "Necessary accessory for today's mission."

Before the oncologist could change his mind, the elevator opened and House dragged him towards the clinic. First, he stopped in an exam room, lifting the water pistol, saying only "Got to fill this, be right out," to a bemused patient and her attending.

"So, are we hunting rabbits?" asked Wilson dryly as House emerged from the exam room with water dripping from the toy. They started walking closer to Cuddy's office, until House pushed Wilson behind a plant in the corner and he pressed himself against the wall.

"Even better." House grinned evilly and nodded towards the office where the two men they saw from the balcony sat in front of Cuddy's desk, waiting for the Dean to arrive.

"Oh, no. If you're thinking of starting a water fight with _them, _I'm out of here," Wilson began, raising his hands in a stopping motion.

"Of course we won't do that," House said, rolling his eyes. "At least not before we get the money. I could use a couch in my office."

He looked around. "Ah, there's our moving target. Get the weapon ready, the enemy is approaching." He stage-whispered and made a show of crouching behind the plant next to Wilson.

Cuddy, who didn't even consider the possibility that two department heads might be waiting in ambush, neared her office, trying to think of ways to get the most money for the hospital. Suddenly she felt something wet trickling her neck and chest and she looked down in confusion. It soon turned to anger as she noticed where the water came from.

"House!" she hissed and would've physically dragged him into clinic, locking him there with a few STD patients for several hours, if it weren't for the two donors who heard her and were now staring not so subtly at her wet blue top, revealing more than it was hiding. With a pained smile she entered the office and greeted them, crossing her arms before her.

A chuckle caused Wilson to lift his head from his hands and turn to House. They were still hiding near the office and the diagnostician was observing the happenings inside with an amused smirk.

"What's so funny?" Wilson asked and followed House's gaze, immediately starting to grin himself. Cuddy sat behind her desk, innocent smile on her face as she kept leaning forward seductively, the water making the job quite easy. Wilson noticed the red ear tips of Dr. Baxter and an almost glazed look of the other guy he didn't recognize. It was obvious Cuddy was in charge of the conversation. The men only managed to nod and ask a question here and there, but their attention was no where near money matters, and when the Dean pulled out a contract, Wilson had to admit their boss knew how to make things work to her advantage.

When the contract was signed, they all stood up and exchanged small pleasantries, Cuddy thanking both of them for their generosity and the two men clearing their throats and nodding at her assurances the money would go to good use.

As they left the office, Dr. Baxter felt water dripping at the front of his pants, and he quickly turned to find the source. His face turned a nice shade of purple as he saw House standing there, holding a water gun in his hands.

"You!" he hissed and stepped towards the plant, "I remember you. You told my wife I was cheating on her!"

House calmly stared back at him, rolling the pistol around his finger.

"Actually, all I said was I saw you with a dark haired chick. It was an innocent comment unless the wife can't trust her husband." His piercing eyes made Baxter uncomfortable and he awkwardly shuffled back to Cuddy and his friend, buttoning up his jacket to at least partially cover up the dark splotch on his pants.

House looked down at Wilson who was crouching behind the pot plant. "Good shot. And people think _you're _the nice one among the two of us."

Wilson looked up guiltily but smiled at the proud look in House's eyes. "Have I made you proud, Master?"

House grinned. "Not bad, Grasshopper, I believe you are almost ready for the initiation now."

"I should have known." The female voice coming from their left made them both jump slightly as they looked at Cuddy. Their boss stood with her hands planted on her hips, a lab coat now hiding her, in House's opinion, most interesting attributes. She tried to glare, but her lips were quirked upwards as she regarded both of her employees.

"Dr. House, I can't decide whether to thank you or fire you. Your little stunt actually proved quite... beneficial for this hospital, so all I'm giving you is ten more hours of clinic duty and a new case."

Before House could protest she turned to Wilson, eyes glittering. "If you hadn't done anything to embarrass Baxter, I probably would. The guy is worse than House when it comes to ogling my breasts."

Without another word she turned on her heel and walked towards the nurse's station, her pleased expression never leaving her face.

The two doctors looked at each other in surprise. "How come even your most insane plans turn out good at the end?" Wilson asked, still incredulous at how easy they got away with what they did.

House raised an eyebrow. "My plans are _never_ insane, Jimmy."

Wilson snorted. "Right... So, you want to get lunch?" he asked as he poured the remaining water into the pot, House doing the same.

"Got a case. Want to come over tonight? You owe me the story about you and that Baxter guy."

Wilson grinned. "No, I don't. See you at seven then? My turn to bring beer, right?"

House nodded as he limped towards the elevators, while Wilson went to the clinic to gather some charts, both in better mood for the remaining of the day.


End file.
